Many people believe that a final divorce ruling marks the end of all contact and communication with a now-former spouse. Unfortunately, that is not the case, especially if you have children together. California parents that have a joint child custody agreement will be forced to communicate at least until their child or children turn 18, and most likely long after. So how can you communicate with an ex after a difficult divorce?

Unfortunately, there may be no quick fix for a communication breakdown between you and your ex, and you may find yourself taking responsibility for things that don't seem like your fault. This may be necessary to keep the peace and ensure the health and happiness of your children, according to Judy Corcoran and Julie A. Ross, co-authors of the book "Joint Custody with a Jerk."

Corcoran and Ross recommend treating your former spouse like a demanding business client, keeping your communication professional and to the point. Don't use the words 'never' and 'always' when discussing you, your ex or your children, as your statement can easily be construed as an ultimatum or an insult.

The authors also recommend that spouses use the most effective methods of communication for their specific situation. Texting, while convenient, is usually not a good way to get an important point across. Try to have face-to-face conversations if that is what works best, or stick to e-mail if talking in person leads to arguments.

Finally, Corcoran and Ross say, empower your child to make decisions and communicate more effectively. For example, teach your child to work out their problems with their custodial parent instead of calling their other parent and asking him or her to intervene whenever they are unhappy about something.

Source: Chicago Tribune, "Coping strategies when you share custody and hostility," Cheryl Stritzel McCarthy, Nov. 15, 2011